Day One

This week we had lunch after church at a Spring Creek BBQ in Fort Worth. Nothing amazingly special about that except that it was the same restaurant I had lunch at a few years ago with an angry couple over the current state of my youth ministry. The dad told me not too far into my lunch that I was the most cynical person that he had ever met. I remember wanting to thank him for the complement while dialing all of my buddies and letting them know the good news.

I have no idea how many years ago that was, but I want to believe that I have grown up some since then. But I am not sure I have outgrown my cynicism.

Today is Ash Wednesday.

While I am not Catholic, I still love the idea of the calendar and especially this season. When I was doing student ministry we tried to make this season before Easter special in some way. Sometimes that would be just talking about fasting, sometimes it was actually giving things up like red meat, and other times it was a full blow Ash Wednesday service at a Church of Christ. I connect with the next 40 days leading up to Easter because it helps me reflect.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do this year. The last few years have been hit and miss with the Lenten season and I really had not put a lot of time or effort into it so far. Monday I Googled “best Lent devotional” books thinking that would help me prepare. I looked over the list and read some reviews, I decided on a book by a lady with the last name Chole. I went to a Barnes and Noble by my office and searched for the book. Oh well, strike one. Tuesday I had to be in Denton and drive past another Barnes and Noble. No go, strike two. I realize I could have asked someone to help me or ordered it off Amazon, but like I said…I wasn’t trying all that hard. Just enough to fool God into thinking I cared.

Today I dropped off Jensyn and really did not have a plan for work. I get to make my own schedule and so I just planned to head back to Weatherford to a few doctor’s offices and facilities and then go to a meeting at 2pm….

This is where I believe God changed my day.

And also where my cynicism glad rages out of control.

I got a text from a dear friend wanting to have lunch today. He asked where my meeting was and then determined where he wanted to eat and the time. I was already headed west and I look at my clock and decided I really didn’t have time to go back to Weatherford, took a random exit, turned around and came back Fort Worth. What to do with the extra hour I needed to kill? Hey, there is Barnes and Noble on Hulen, I’ll go there and kill some time.

I made sure I had the authors name right just in case the third Barnes and Noble had my book. I am admittedly bad at the alphabet and have to sing the song each time I go searching for letter combinations. “Cho…” comes after “Chi…” I am standing in the aisle of the third store, singing the alphabet in my head, and preparing to be not shocked this book isn’t sold here. I am deciding what to have lunch when my eyes see the book facing out. Not like the other books on the shelf with just the binding showing, no this book is staring at me.

I looked both ways half expecting Jesus to peak around the corner and laugh at the trick he had just played on me. I grabbed the book off the shelf, went back to Google to compare pictures, and then flipped through the book to make sure it wasn’t just a cruel joke or something.

I am a cynic.

Why can I not just enjoy the movement of God? Why can this case just be a simple “hello, I am real” from God? I move so quickly to dismiss the idea that God could have a hand it because my rational brain will not allow for the irrational parts. Only wackado’s think God cares what I read for Lent.

Or I can go all Job’s friends…surely I am just looking for God because I have something in my life that I am ashamed of. I “need” God to want me to read this book because it will get me penance. 

What if it was really just a cool God moment on a Wednesday in February?

I got my book. I’ll tell you the name later. But today is day 1 of Lent and I am going to try and let my cynicism go and see God for who I tell all of you he is…