The one where Jesus left...

Jesus appears to be everywhere these days. Jesus helps us sell our house or get the job we want or heal your wife’s leaky head. Jesus helps us win games and pass tests and blesses our food. He shows up in our social media feeds when we get pregnant and when we celebrate another marriage anniversary. Jesus seems to be everywhere and blessing everyone.

But this week some of us are asking where he went…

Mark 1:35-39 (NLT)

35 Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. 36 Later Simon and the others went out to find him. 37 When they found him, they said, “Everyone is looking for you.”

38 But Jesus replied, “We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came.” 39 So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and casting out demons.

I connect with this passage for a lot of reasons. Jesus’ ministry starts right here (for Mark). He goes from town to town preaching, casting out demons, healing people, and continuing the story God. It also gives permission to introverts like me to leave crowds of people in search of isolation. But the passage has also always bothered me some.

Here is Jesus in the town of Capernaum. Before he leaves we find Jesus at the home of Simon and Andrew. Their mother is in bed with fever and Jesus goes to the house to heal her. From there Mark tells us that the whole town came to this one place with all of the sick and demon possessed. It says that Jesus healed “many” and drove out “many”.

What it doesn’t say is that he healed all of them. We are just told that he healed some, just not all. He leaves town even though the disciples tell him the people are still looking for him. By the looks of it, he leaves sick people at the house. He leaves demon-possessed people there waiting and moves on down the road to the next place. Jesus says he needs to get going and that’s it, he leaves.

Imagine sitting at that house and hearing Jesus that day. His words move you and his message of freedom is unlike anything you have ever heard. You watch your friend bring his mom to the house and Jesus heals her. You see people from work bring their grandparents or other loved ones and they get healed. The guy you always pass on the way into town, that you thought was crazy, this Jesus guy casts out a demon. Person after person passes and a simple touch of Jesus changes a life. You stay all night watching and slowly getting the courage to go home and bring your child. You rush back the next morning to hear more from Jesus and have him touch your son or daughter. You want your chance at the healing.

But he doesn’t show up.

After awhile you begin to ask everyone, “Where did Jesus go?” You begin to get anxious, then you feel yourself getting angry as you hear rumors that he has left town. Why? Why would he leave when there are still people here? It doesn’t make any sense when you think back to the things you heard him say. Surely he has just stepped out for a few minutes and will be back shortly.

Finally you decide he isn’t coming back. You and your son/daughter leave and for the next three years you hear about how Jesus is going from town to town preaching a radical message of love and healing people in every town. But all you are left with is an empty feeling. A feeling that the words were so powerful, the message of love so strong, but in the end you just keep wondering, “Where did Jesus go?”

I told my friend this week that God sucked. He had tragically lost his nephew and his father-in-law a few hours earlier and really the only thing that made sense to me was to tell him that God sucked. Sometimes I think Jesus leaves town and we don’t get to know why. Sometimes our lives aren’t as easy as a simple #Godsplan at the end of a status update or as perfect as the famous person quote promises. Sometimes, I think, God isn’t awesome like I want (go read Lamentations, they agree with me) and he leaves us to wrestle with it. We don’t get nice neat answers like we get from a good Max Lucado book. We just have to pack it up and go back home wondering why. Why did they get this or that and I didn’t?  Why was Jesus there for them at that time, but wasn’t for me here this time?

To my friend…I want you and your family to know that it is okay to think God sucks sometimes. I know there is no way to make it make sense right now. It doesn’t have to make sense this week. And it might not next week either. God is really big and does not get in a hurry. I promise he can handle whatever emotion you have. After all, he did pack up that day in Capernaum, left a crowd of hurt and sick people in town, and he walked off…you are reading this, so we know the story didn’t end there. All of that is for another time and space though.

Today, there will be no hollow words about eternal life and heaven and mansions just over the hilltop, we know they will not soothe the unexplainable pain of losing your father-in-law (husband, dad, or friend) and 14-year-old nephew (or son or grandson or friend). Sometimes silence is better than bullshit. So we are going to crawl up on the couch next to you, wonder where Jesus went together, and fight the urge to fill the space with words.

God, you are God. We know that. We just don’t understand all the why’s today. We are happy the story keeps going even when we cannot see it. We are overjoyed daily by grace and love and redemption. We are aware daily of the hope that one day all things will be restored and there will be no more tears, or pain, or death. But today, God, teach us to sit and wrestle with where you went this past Wednesday. To grieve and breathe. To be okay in the chaos of doubt and to be okay for now to admit sometimes you suck…